- Sixth Blood Butterfly -

Funeral's finally over. Time for some z's.

Today, I went to collect my Grandmama's ashes. And her bones have 'flowers', stating that she have done good deeds in her life.
Anyways, no more about funeral stuff.
I AM SO TIRED. SO SO TIRED. Keeping me in place would just drift me off into wonderland again. But meh, that isn't the problem to me.

Okay, I just made a new forum, after leaving Red Rose Vertigo made by my best fwen, Tsuki-chan. And it's more or less still undone. I'm still wondering how everything should be going about, and theres no doubt that I'd most probably only be Rping in the more important events. For my new forum, I plan to get people from Gaia and IRC to come into the forum to Roleplay. And the previous forums as well.

And lately, I feel damnit depressed that there are some moments, I just feel like breaking dowm, or tearing things aparts. The boundless energy in me just screams for release. Well. I don't know. Just want to sleep. Goodnight.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Fifth Blood Butterfly -

So the important day of the funeral arrived...

FINALLY. FINALLY. I am SO tired. SOOO tired. But tomorrow I have to go there eariler again.. MUCH eariler.

Okay, so you know my grandma went bye bye now. Never see her again, never say hello again, thats sayonara. I feel kinda guilty, really. And I'm like all.. "WTF ARE YOU DOING" to myself at the moment. My mom reminded me. In June, 2006. This year, I apparently had a nightmare about my grandma. (Apparently, since I forgot. I forgot my own name once. So anyways.) After that dream. I fell really badly ill. That became a prediction, mommy said: ", you better go visit your grandmother, she's really, very ill." and a few days before my grandma died, daddy told me to go visit her. Mommy told -ME- to go visit her. And what did I do?

Completely nothing.

WHAT KIND OF A GRANDDAUGHTER AM I?! Un..worthy, un..un.. fi..lial? I don't know. I seriously feel like blaming myself till I die or.. or something. Everyone KNOWS she doted on me SO much. And I'M the -ONLY- person who didn't EVEN VISIT HER. A born Sinner.

I don't know really. I really really just don't want to think. I have too much fears. Way too much fear. And it stops me from getting anything and everything done. Fear of having something at the edge of life going right before my eyes. I'm not 'kiasu' (scared to lose) I'm .. I'm.. Scared to loose. Be it a memory, or a person, a relation. Even if I'm not close. I cannot bear for the others to say seriously that I'm no one.

So me? A social butterfly? YOU WISH!

Such a disgusting inner heart should not be told.

SO WELL. ANYWAYS.

Today, I watched the rituals and took part in it with the rest of my cousins and mostly did the praying, and the joss sticks stuff, bowing and crap. But the guy DOING the ritual was AWESOME. Especially the part where he had some liquid in his mouth, and then he had to jump over his fire. So what he did was he spit the liquid out at the fire and jump over it at the same time.OMG, THE FIRE WAS IN A JOLLY COLOUR. It was like a small explosive flame thing, and it turned the ceiling black... well. Just slightly!

Oh, and for the whole day, I've been hanging out with my cousins and stuff. Me, being a manga artist, had been nicely requested to teach them to draw. Well, actually one came up to ask me. I didn't mind until i had all my younger cousins surrounding me, asking me. "Jie jie can you teach me how to drawww?!". One of my cousins saw my signature on my drawing and even began to call me Chidea! XD!!

I was suppose to stay over at my cousins' house today, but I'm.. kinda afraid and I really don't want to. I don't want to burdern my relative. (But, me can even burdern thy own's mother. See.disgusting face)

Because of those crap up there. I haven't been on recently. And not to mention Red Rose, the last I heard, was dying- or DEAD. Ah well. People succeed, people fail. No choice, eh?

Gotta stay happy a little while longer.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Fourth Blood Butterfly -

CAUTION: EMO.

If you're thinking "So. What is dear little twisted child doing?"

I can generally tell you, I'm stressed from top to toe.Its not only because I was awaken by the news of my grandmother died suddenly, or anything, its because my mom just don't want me on the com, and I have to take out various activities, thus stressing me out. And inorder not to worry anyone, or attempt to. What do i do? Smile. And pretend everything is okay.

But I can also honestly say. 'My grandmother died' is just a blood fucking excuse for me to say 'I want to be free, i want to slack, idle, just leave me alone.' I am so tired, mentally exhaused and everytime i want to scream and yell, and throw a temper. But obviously, i'll get scolding for even THINKING about it. I'm so tired. I'm so so tired I just want to cover my ears, kick out all the sounds and hug myself so i won't feel alone.

And secondly, my big screw up.Infocomm Annerversairy next week.China trip next week.Clash?Fuck yes.

I can't cancel that, i can't not go for this. Everything is ruined. My painting for my manga on canvas sucks, I'm so bloody sleepy, i can't spend time with my friends, on my cosplay armor, I've got PVC meeting undone, I haven't done this, I haven't done that, NOT A SINGLE FUCKING SOUL IS GOING TO HELP ME. I CAN'T FIND ANY PROPER HELP, FUCK. I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE TRUST I NEED. While every thing here before me is ruined, I just want to think of things which keeps me happy.

I don't know, my mom is stressed too.So I have to be burderned by HER stress as well.

So, suffering?Nah.

I'm just perfectly happy. ^_^

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Random Screams -

"Go to Hell"
"Rot and die"
I'll say something that isn't mine
I'll touch the wings of a blood butterfly
I'll sing the prayers of angels' cries.
I'll raise the Hell hounds of Hell's unholy depth
I'll make sure you were dead.
I'll make you wish you were never born,
I'll taint your blood with lusting woes.
Shimmer the glory of Hell unfavourable Doors.

Sorry. Got pissed. If December I'm missing. Its my mom's fault.

- Third Blood Butterfly -

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockershells.
And pretty maids lined in a row.

Or so that shall be for my mission to imply it into Fallen Cradle Inn.
Hm.. Mary Mary Quite Contrary.. Aren't we..
Well in any case, I heard a version of that lovely nursery rhyme from a friend and read another on the internet, so I shall be researching more on how my little skit shall do. If any Red Rose'ers are reading this, this is a small hint on what's happening, yo.

And well for today.
ARGH. DAMN TUITION. Okay, when Chirri-chan says she wants sleep, Chirri-chan WANTS SLEEP. RAWR.

Okay, so anyways, today I was awaken by my best friend/enemy/'sister'/Rping Online Sister/Husband/Child/Aunt/Great grandma and whatsoever, aka. Sam/Tsuki/Storm/Vega/-- nevermind, you get it. So this person wakes me with the kindness from with her heart, voice and stuff. And all i did was got grumpy ;_;. I'm so mean.
So anyways, managed to get to tuition on time, with me whining about sleep. I swear I was half sleeping in class, my head was all spinny, but in the end, i went out with my.. othersisterperson-otherbestfriendperson-cosplayer-anime-lover- aka, Ri-chan, and Drea-chan. Okay, so we went. From morning 8 o'clock. I woke up, tuition until 12 noon, came back at 6. HOLY SHIT. I WAS SO DEAD TIRED. So I slept at 6, woke up at 8. Now its 1. I got no idea what I'm doing up, but I am.

Time for my random list.

Current <3> Jigoku Shoujo
Current <3 J-rock band: Phantamagoria.
Current random <3: Sleep.Teddy.Songs.Anime.Forum.Dance. Butterfly.

-End-

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Second Blood Butterfly -

Today. Today, today. Is a very funny day.

And that was all I have for three hours of trying to do this blog's post ;x Yay for procrastination.

...

Alright, I just procrastinated again.

Well anyways, today the renovation dudes came and took away my cabinate and stuff because they were beginning to rot, and my mom already ordered my new furniture to refurnish my room. And when the guys came and took off my cabinate and stuff, they didn't do my mom's room and I got bitched at. Pissing off, actually, but ah well. And to vent her anger, mommy scolded me for being 'Useless' and 'not helping around the house' and she 'hopes that [I] get a maid when [I] grew up.' Of course, there were more insults, but i forgot. I wanted to ask her if she wanted me to burn in hell, rot before dieing and to swim in a swamp of darkness. But that'll just piss her off somemore.

And to clear things up for the clueless:

[05:26:14] <~Kureha> you know
[05:26:20] <~Kureha> my mom didn't brief me about anything
[05:26:26] <~Kureha> about the renovation
[05:26:30] <~Kureha> and when the guys came
[05:26:35] <~Kureha> and didn't do her room
[05:26:38] <~Kureha> i got scolding

Clean summary.

In Red Rose Vertigo (refer to my purgatories), I made a new board there, and got found out, but I was approved. Fallen Cradle Inn, an Inn of twisted nursery rhymes dwell in every corner. Fallen Cradle Inn itself is one. (Refer to Rock a bye baby) (Fallen Cradle Inn is in a very big tree) So, just wanna see how's that going to come along =D!

And if you see a tagboard beside here. It means Blood Angel Chidea managed to put a tagboard up at the side. Congratulate me! If not. Uh. Update tomorrow? ^_^

Alright, nothing much else to write considering I didn't step out of the house tomorrow.
Need.
More sleep.

Slept at 4 am yesterday.

Chirri-chan wants
SLEEP.
NOW.



RAWRRR.

- First Blood Butterfly -

WHUA. Today is such a complicated day. Well. Only sort of.

Okay, so basically, I woke up, and normal human crap, tea, wash up and stuff and all and stayed online for quite some time before i went for manga class. But during tha online duration, I managed to answer to a friend what spirits were, spoking myself and him along in the process. Crazy. I know.
And manga class, boy was that holy.
It was quite funny to. For the first hours of class, i was just sitting there, painting and stuff, then came dinner, where we ate this.. weird udon thingie. The picked veggie was really yucky. And 'F[two]G'(Funny funny guy. Manga friend) was telling Ro-chan (manga teacher) about the weird things he cooked. Her expression was like. Priceless and she was all like.." o__o.." it was really really funny. He was talking about.. mango juice with egg.. and lunchen meat.. and something else. Then the conversation about food went on. And it managed to get to Ro-chan talking about Korean food, with live fish jumping and you had to catch it with your chopsticks and bite onto the small fishie once and swallow it. THERE, F2G and I were like "... o___o..." sort of. It was quite spooky, actually. Like barbarians.
So we went back to class again, by then it was 7pm. Painted.. moved from one studio to the next. And, okay, there was this one part where my friend (Loli) 'exploded' her paint from the paint tube thingie, and I went over to laugh at her. THERE, we have this amazing paintbrush-paint fight faceoff. Infact, I was using her paint-filled hand as a weapon and back at her. It took us some time for it to die off, and one of my friends got pissed off at the noise XDD!!! I find it funny, then again, I'm quite the sadist. Poor her. She doesn't understand the fun of laughing along. Too much logic perhaps. Well. Anyways, we (Loli and I) went to wash up cos we had like paint all over our arms and stuff, and she declaring that it was fun. XD I thought so too. I mean, its not everyday we get to do this. So now, she's become my acting partner >_>. <_<. up ="3!">)
I have two huge bags of thrash in my room.
Guess what they are?



Yeah. Worksheets since Primary 6 all the way to Secondary two. All THRASHED. Books are still safe. ^_^