- Fifth Blood Butterfly -

So the important day of the funeral arrived...

FINALLY. FINALLY. I am SO tired. SOOO tired. But tomorrow I have to go there eariler again.. MUCH eariler.

Okay, so you know my grandma went bye bye now. Never see her again, never say hello again, thats sayonara. I feel kinda guilty, really. And I'm like all.. "WTF ARE YOU DOING" to myself at the moment. My mom reminded me. In June, 2006. This year, I apparently had a nightmare about my grandma. (Apparently, since I forgot. I forgot my own name once. So anyways.) After that dream. I fell really badly ill. That became a prediction, mommy said: ", you better go visit your grandmother, she's really, very ill." and a few days before my grandma died, daddy told me to go visit her. Mommy told -ME- to go visit her. And what did I do?

Completely nothing.

WHAT KIND OF A GRANDDAUGHTER AM I?! Un..worthy, un..un.. fi..lial? I don't know. I seriously feel like blaming myself till I die or.. or something. Everyone KNOWS she doted on me SO much. And I'M the -ONLY- person who didn't EVEN VISIT HER. A born Sinner.

I don't know really. I really really just don't want to think. I have too much fears. Way too much fear. And it stops me from getting anything and everything done. Fear of having something at the edge of life going right before my eyes. I'm not 'kiasu' (scared to lose) I'm .. I'm.. Scared to loose. Be it a memory, or a person, a relation. Even if I'm not close. I cannot bear for the others to say seriously that I'm no one.

So me? A social butterfly? YOU WISH!

Such a disgusting inner heart should not be told.

SO WELL. ANYWAYS.

Today, I watched the rituals and took part in it with the rest of my cousins and mostly did the praying, and the joss sticks stuff, bowing and crap. But the guy DOING the ritual was AWESOME. Especially the part where he had some liquid in his mouth, and then he had to jump over his fire. So what he did was he spit the liquid out at the fire and jump over it at the same time.OMG, THE FIRE WAS IN A JOLLY COLOUR. It was like a small explosive flame thing, and it turned the ceiling black... well. Just slightly!

Oh, and for the whole day, I've been hanging out with my cousins and stuff. Me, being a manga artist, had been nicely requested to teach them to draw. Well, actually one came up to ask me. I didn't mind until i had all my younger cousins surrounding me, asking me. "Jie jie can you teach me how to drawww?!". One of my cousins saw my signature on my drawing and even began to call me Chidea! XD!!

I was suppose to stay over at my cousins' house today, but I'm.. kinda afraid and I really don't want to. I don't want to burdern my relative. (But, me can even burdern thy own's mother. See.disgusting face)

Because of those crap up there. I haven't been on recently. And not to mention Red Rose, the last I heard, was dying- or DEAD. Ah well. People succeed, people fail. No choice, eh?

Gotta stay happy a little while longer.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.