- Fourteenth Blood Butterfly -

Tuesday, January 16, 2007.

-Cautious, Rant -

Sometimes I wonder if its just me or is it everything around me as well.There are times where the butterflies that surrounds me are filled with excitement, and everything that is positively ...positive.Yet there are times where the butterflies are so cold, and they seem to leave me alone.Maybe its really just me.
Perhaps one day, I'll return into my shell. And I'll forcefully cut off my own wings. Maybe one day, I'll make a mask. Yes, a thick metal mask, and I'll wear it as a shelter. A protection over my face. I'll chain myself to the ground, a isolated place. I'll cover my ears, I'll close my eyes, and cut off my tongue. Then, I'll scream. Maybe that one day, will come. And I will be relieve of everything that I hate, that I avoid and that which hates me. Maybe, just maybe.
People see me as a social butterfly- i mean, if you knew me, sure you do, and that daily mood swings and unable to comphrehend this every seeking attention brat.
I hate myself for that.
If my academics were as great as my attidute, maybe I'll still like me. But its not. Its the WORST. I'm lazy and.. and.. crap.. and argh. I'm insane. In a bad way now. I mean, I look at the people around me. THere's Vi-chan. She's quiet, mysterious, calm and collected. And she gets GOOD grades for her science. And what she wants others to see her, is under HER control. And there's the other 'crazy' -in a good way, lot. *Proper word is enthusiastic*. I mean, sure, they have their bad points. But, look at them. THey are getting GOOD grades. And there's 4.3's2007Chairperson-person. I mean, she can be annoying, yet funny, and cool, and quite a rubis cube sometimes, but SHE gets really good grades. And hell, thats only in my class. I DON'T want to get to the others.
I mean, honeslty, shit. I study, and I get the fucking same grades. Its that type of unexplainable fustrations. Theres no one HINT in me of being perfect. Or do i feel myself having accomplished SOMETHING.
Please, if you want to stop here, then stop. So I can spill things out that I haven't the long times since I last posted. (Internet curfew).
I THANK MY MOM FOR TAKING THE INTERNET AWAY, ACTUALLY.If I were to have return to my two-world state I'm always in, i swear to the Lady of the Silver Moon that I WILL NOT be able to cope with my own emotions. I'm all confused and shit now if I should or should not hide myself, and that's in real life. I have this ... problem. I want to hide myself, but I'm afraid of being alone thing. I'm so scared of things leaving me that I wish not to get attached to them. But I don't know if its the same for everything. Attachment can lead to addiction to me. Eg. My chatting habits = addiction. And I don't even feel that same feelings i used to when everything was once united.
ARGGH. I DON'T KNOW. Perhaps everything is really breaking down bit by bit, like a wool-made sweater's string was being pulled and the sweater is going lesser and lesser and leaving someone cold and stuff.
I know I'm not living for myself. Then again, 'myself' isn't really here before. I'm just a mixture of everyone that I look up to, making me someone who is not me.
Smiling to me is a piece of joy.Not smiling to me can be a grave sin.
Laughing gives me the courage to live on.Frowning gives me the wish to die.
Showing happiness will not affect the others.Showing my inner happiness is a crime.
Wanting to fly is a dream.Not flying keeps me safe.
Walking into dangers brings me excitement.Keeping myself safe gives me my sanity.
Speaking my thoughts will let me be knownbut will also break my barriers and shell.I don't want that.
Now.
What's the meaning of able to trust someone, when I can't even physcially trust people?

- Thirteenth blood butterfly -

I made a list of animes that I have watched.

1. NightHead Genesis [*]
2. D Gray Man [*]
3. Sister Princess [Completed]
4. Elemental Gelade [Completed]
5. Gensoumaden Saiyuki [Completed]
6. Saiyuki Reload [Completed]
7. Sukisho [Completed/Shounen Ai]
8. Loveless [Completed/Shounen Ai]
9. Bleach [**]
10. Angel Sanctuary [Completed]
11. Cardcaptor Sakura [Completed]
12. Air [Completed]
13. DNAngel [Completed]
14. Tsukuyomi MoonPhase [*]
15. Trinity Blood [**]
16. xxxHolic [**]
17. Shaman King
18. Scrapped Princess [Completed]
19. Serial Experimental Lain [Completed/Must Watch]
20. Rozen Maiden [Completed/Must Watch]
21. Rozen Maiden Traumend [Completed/Must Watch]
22. I Love My Younger Sister [Completed/Incest]
23. Neon Genesis Evangelion
24. Mai Hime [Completed]
25. Mai Otome [Completed]
26. Fruit Basket [Completed]
27. Kyo Kara Maou
28. Jigoku Shoujo [Completed/**]
29. Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori
30. Hellsing
31. Gundam Seed
32. Gundam Seed Destiny
33. Getbackers [Completed]
34. Fate Stay Night
35. Disgaea [Completed]
36. Chobits [Completed]
37. Chrno Crusade [Completed]
38. Blackcat
39. Elfen Lied
40. Bottled Fairy
41. Busou Renkin
42. Angel's Feather [Completed/Shounen Ai]
43. Ah! My Goddess
44. Ragnarok : The Animation [Completed]
45. Kikoushi Enma [Completed]
46. Gravitation [Completed]
47. Kagihime
48. Ai no Kusabi [Completed/Shounen Ai]
49. Tsubasa Chronicle
50. Suzumiya Haruhi
51. Ouran High School Host Club [Completed*]

I know theres more. I just can't remember what. o-O;

[* = Go watch.] [** = DIE DIE MUST WATCH.]

And here's some anime I'm waiting to watch. Or plan to watch.

1. Rozen Maiden: ouverture
2. Moelcan
3. Gankutsuou
4. DearS
5. Black Blood Brothers
6. Burst Angel
7. Grave of the Fireflies
8. Ergo Proxy

I saw the name and thought they'd be intresting ^^.

Anyways. Time for the blogging. I'm off to Sammy-chan's party in a good 20 minutes to meet up with the rest. Hell, make that 30. 40. ~ long pause ~. Forget it, I'll leave at 5:55.

So I'm back online, but I don't know when this chance might just fall down and break. And maybe when that happens, I'll might just completely forget coming online or something x.x; See whats ahead, shall we?

I spent Christmas in a very unqiue way. On the 24th, I left for my cousin's house at approximately 5 - 6 pm. After that, I stayed there until 3 am. Gambling FOR christmas. ^.^ Sins? Whats that.

I really don't know what to type now. I'm all tired and now adays I'm having a thunderstorm with my emotions, so I'm rather lost and stuff. I got a feeling another migraine attack might hit me sometime soon. Ah. Come what may.

Sadness knows my name.

Sorrow.

Is proof that I have been given life.

And life offers a change to find love.

In all its myrid forms.

For the love we find

Is what frees us from sorrow.

- Twelveth Blood Butterfly-

Finally. EOY Cosplay Convention 2006 is finished. This armourless swordsman has returned to Prontera to rest.

WHUAAA. SO TIRED @_@ I feel like flopping down and playing dead right now. But. I got homework. So. Can't. Anyways.

Last night slept at 1 am, woke up at 7 am, left the house at 9 am, got to my friend's place at 10. There, I prepared everything, also giving up on my armor. Then, we left at 12. Reached there around 12 +? Gathered and ENTERED the hall at 1:30. Reported to the voting booth to actually say that "Team RO 2006 is here~!" And yeah. Went backstage.

WHUAA. I was SO nervous. But. Yeah. I saw some characters. They were so cool *_*; Like Vincent from FF7AC. I started poking, actually, I asked him if I could hold his gun. And i did. And I was all.. ":O!!!" ish. It was awesome. And then, yeah. There was this guy.. Raphael from Soul Calibur. His blade was SO Shiny. *-*~ I was all. "Ooh." so from then on, I called him Mr. Shiny. HE CAN BALLROOM DANCE. So yeah. I bothered ALOT ALOT of unknown people. Like that Nekozawa and Tamaki from Ouran. I started Poking them and they STARED at me. Like NORMS. EWWW. So yeah. Then we acted. I sorta screwed up a line, but yeah. I comprimised. And stuff. Yeah. So. Yeah. THats what kinda happened.

Now, I'm all @__________@ --> x.x --> z.z;;; ish.
I met lots and ltos of friends there, yo. And was like o_O; and and and i saw my Manga teacher. It was like WHOA. Go [ http://sgcafe.com ]. And check it out and stuff.

I had a long day. Yet so little post. I must lack knowledge of stuff. Or don't remember. Or tired. Or stuff. But yeah. I'll throw pictures one day.

ONE DAY.

- Eleventh Blood Butterfly -

Well. Today. I went to... City Hall at 6:30 + for practice. We did a few runs, did some 'pose discussion' and stuff like that, so don't expect much. Only High Priestess, Assassin, Monk and Sting and I went for today's meeting. Tomorrow, Acolyte will join us. High Wizard will be busy until Friday (NOOOOO) Cosplay's on the Saturday. So. Yeah. But that went well.

I reached home just a few minutes ago. Now its going to be 11. I got home at... 10:15? Yeah, around there. and my friend, Keita, asked me something about what I want for my wedding.

You know, HONESTLY. I haven't thought about it.
Thats not that important to me yet.
....
...
..
Is it?

WELL. I haven't had much thought about it, but I can offer you this.

I want to cosplay on my wedding.
Heck,
I want EVERYONE to cosplay at my wedding. I don't want it to be a me-only thing. Or Me and Mr. Right thing only. It'll be too boring. Well, its me now. I know, my wedding dress, I want it to be like.. Lolita Dressish. And CONFIRM, I want WINGS on mine. White, angelic wings. Halos aren't nesscary. And The flowers I hold, I want them golden. I want my wedding in a cathedral. Thoses really grand ones. Maybe that one at Orchard.. my school's history crap place.. uhh.. CHIJ..Chimes? What? Ah, heck, there. Or maybe go overseas just to get married, I don't know. Whereever it is, I want it in a cathedral. A really nice one. With at least some people cosplaying. That will be nice.

I want my life to be everything butordinary.


Because being normal sucks.

- Tenth Blood Butterfly -

iFuture lauch rocks. =3 It was totally awesome. Right now, its 11:37 PM, got home roughly about 11 PM? Well anyways. Today.

This morning, I was at Project Vibrant Colours charity thingie. We sold cookies while trying to raise funds for St. Luke's Elder Care Centre.

Then i came home early to get ready and stuff to meet my friend at Novena MRT.
And so we did. Apparently there were other 2 people too. And Doctor, who was an Infocomm Ambassador too, thought the same as did. And this was it: "If AJ-chan told us to meet here, half an hour isn't enough to get there." But to my surprise, even if we got there late, it was fine. o_O;

So we were at the science centre. And we were given this weird card thingies, which would be further mentioned, and then we went in. So we saw like these dressed up guys in stilts. Walking around and stuff. I was honestly so afraid of them x_x!!!! but, none the less, I managed a "HI!", then shaked their hands. And Ran-ran, Lani, AJ-chan , Doctor (<- Infocomm Abassadors) and Jo-jo (Extra guy) was all like 'rofl'. BUT THEY WERE SO TALL. The people on the stilts, that is. Then we walked furthur down and saw some 'lame' people. I mean, they were acting lame. Lame as in can't walk. Thats okay, but they had weird hair and weird costume, it made them look really scary. Once again, i managed a "Hi, doesn't that hurt?" Cos like, they guys were placing support on the canes that support your whole arm. WELL. Then he began to follow me a bit, until I went.
"Do you need help?"
"..."
".."
"Have a nice day"
"^_^ OKAY~!"
Then i ran past the people who just stood there and acted like statues. I REALLY REALLY am afraid of those. I ran past them, screaming. So... thenthenthen, we went into the exhibition. We saw really cool things, like pressing a button and something move, or or that virtual wall spray paint thingie. And then there was this virtual golf. Its all having to hold something irl and affecting the screen in one way or another. Yeah. So there were x-box games and stuff, and some physcial game that appears on TV, then there was this transport thing. It was like, you stand on it, and how you place your weight suggest which direction you are moving. So yeah, that was totally awesome.

So after that, we had this auditorium we had to sit in,and list to speech. And the president 'teleported' in, they they showed.. flashy lights, literally. And there, they show the use of holographic stuff, and like human interacting with 3D, inside a screen. It was cute. And at the last part, they showed us their little 'kites' with motors on them, and they zoomed over our heads. It was SO SO COOL.

Then, then, then,we went over to iSpace for Dinner. And saw ALLLL the scary people there too.
o first thing in my mind "Lets go look at something else, please,pleaseplease." But, of course, with friends around. I don't mind. And that pretend crippled guy came up and talk to me again ^_^ Even though greeted with a "YOU AGAIN?!" XD;;
So yeah, the fun part was checking out all the cool stuff. I get to cling onto someone again~! Miss doing that, hoenstly. Might upload some pictures later. I'm blank blank at the moment.

Watching Loveless. >_>. <3 its so cyooote.

- Nineth Blood Butterfly -

On the 8th of December 2006, from 1/2 pm all the way to 6 pm, I had a cosplay rehearsal with my RO EOY team 2006.

Well. It was kinda that time I was out.

I remember telling everyone: Cosplay meeting is at 1 to 6. There were .. 6 of us. Me (Swordsman), Acolyte, Sohee, Monk, High Priestess and High Wizard.

Monk went there at 12 noon due to my sudden massive text messages to everyone at 11 saying "Remember, cosplay meeting in 2 hours time.". High Wizard and Sohee kinda got there on time. On the train there, I got a message from my High Priestess and acolyte that they'll both be late. Then again, so was I. I reached about... 1:30+? Or earlier. Anyways.

So we went to find food. I eat before I came out. Acolyte, who was with her sister, had lunch too. And so did our High Priestess. (well, well. See why we are late.) So we went to takashimaya to get food. Our walk. Was made out of laughter and stares. And during that lunch break we had, we had drink too (well DUH). And my sprite turned into blue potion. And there was white potion and stuff. We called town prontera, too. Oi. I'm an RO geek and I'm proud of it. Except, I care more about the beauty half of RO.
While in Taka, we bought some stuff. Well. High Wizzie bought her magick gem, head for her staff. And Aco bought.. Christmas Present for her daddy. And after that, we went back to Orchard MRT station. There, we hid behind the lift, and did some pratice.

"OH LOOK. AN INTRESTING CAVE. LETS GO EXPLORE IT!"
"But its dangerous."
"Oh. Who cares?"

Yeah. So pratice went on and on, then we rested. ran around that space. Aco went home. High Priestess went home, so the rest of us went to Gonyun. Aka. Chinatown. HighWiz went to get material, the others had coconut and sausague. And I was all. ":)" but was "x__x" and then we all turned "X___x;;;" so we all went home.

Assassin came over after that. Told her what happened then we did her weapon. Or template, anyways. Turned out good.

Can't wait for 16th December 2006.
Singaporeans, End of the Year 2006 Cosplay Convention is at Singapore EXPO. So BE there.

- Eighth Blood Butterfly -

Uhm, yay, I'm back from China and i missed heckalots of things in Singapore. First there's Manga class (i think its going to be due soon..) then there's the Infocomm Anniversary thing I completely missed. But hey. I had a FUN time in China. Now, hear my story.

Monday, we went to Haikou.
Tuesday, we went to Hainan Island and went to visit my damnit assh- sorry. I meant my DEAREST cousins who shun my mother's family when they were younger because they were poor. AND WHY WERE THEY POOR? Because my DEAR uncle and aunts and fr- no no, pain in the a- better not..NICE cousins decided to STEAL ALL THE CASH from my GREATGRANDDAD'S successful buisness and run away. So anyways, they were NICE to us, LITERALLY BOWING at our feet at the sight of CASH. So we went to pray to my belated greatgranddad, give prayers and stuff, and apparently, the feng shui there was the WORST and someone planted a tree at a particular spot to SPITE my granddad. How great can they get? And we bought sweets and candies for them too. Digusting village. All they do is gamble and pray money falls from skies.
Wednesday, we went to sanya. went to visit this HUGE goddess of mercy with three heads.
Thursday, we went to some beach place and see some rocks you can catch at telok kuraoi. Or where ever my stepdad says. Then we went to some mountain with some history of this man who hunts this deer and this deer ran and ran until that mountain and when that hunter was about to shoot it, that deer turned around and turned into some beautiful woman and they married and stuff. So, there is one tree there, that you can find anywhere, is called the "Tree of Friendship". And theres this rock, with this HUGE chinese word- the tradition word "Ai(love)", and its called the Rock of Love. I was totaly.. "..." at that point of time.
So those four days. Fabulous, sat in the car most of the time, ate something bad.
Fell ill.
Migraine.
Fantastic.

Friday, i STILL COULD GO TO HONG KONG DISNEYLAND. Wohoo. Exciting. I nearly FAINTED halfway, bloody exciting. But I did take a picture with that Mulan dragon, Wushu. Or something. Mushu. Roshu..Lulashu. SOMETHING.

Wait.. today is Sunday I came home YESTERDAY morn- well whatever.
There was this last day I had to sleep in the hotel because Shenzhen outside was having a shivering degrees of 13 degrees celcius. But, hey, I was shivering under 5 thick layers for no reason. o_o Even on the flight home to singapore. My body was warm. But my hands were cold. Fever, flu, cold, vomit, migraine. Reminds me of that time I went to Malaysia. Same thing happened. Except that when I left, the waterfall collap- okay. Nevermind.

..Shit, this is my most disorganized post.