Saturday, February 24

-Twentith Blood Butterfly -

I learnt something about myself today.

Cancer, the fourth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this Sign are 'roots' kinds of people and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others. More than likely, their family will be large, too -- the more, the merrier! Cancers will certainly be merry if their home life is serene and harmonious. Traditions are upheld with great zest in a Cancer's household, since these folks prize family history and love communal activities. They also tend to be patriotic, waving the flag whenever possible. A Cancer's good memory is the basis for stories told around the dinner table, and don't be surprised if these folks get emotional about things to boot. Those born under this Sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them.

The mascot of Cancerians is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancerians are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this Sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in. That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.

Cancerians are ruled by the Moon, the Great Mother of the heavens in ancient times. Here on Earth, this is manifested in the Crab's maternal instincts and desire to protect home and hearth. This may appear smothering at times, but that's the Crab for you. The Moon is associated with fertility, too, a quality which is most pleasing to Cancerians. The Moon is also the ruler of moods, and Cancers have plenty of those. These folks can cry you a river if they're so inclined, and they usually are. They can be overly sensitive, easily hurt and prone to brooding. Even so, Crabs find it easy to be sympathetic to others and are quick to show their affection. Their intuition is also a great help to them, especially in times of stress.

The Element associated with Cancer is Water. Like the rolling waves of the sea, the Crab's emotions can make quite a splash. These folks tend to pick up on things and bring them in, with the outward result ranging from sentimentality to possessiveness. Crabs need to resist the temptation to become selfish or to feel sorry for themselves, since this behavior won't help. On the bright side, Cancers are good with money (although some consider them too thrifty), probably because they value a sense of security. Crabs are also quick to help others and tend to avoid confrontation. In keeping with their nurturing bent, those born under this Sign are a whiz with food. A hearty picnic on the Fourth of July is heaven on earth to most Crabs.

Cancers often find that a robust workout session is just the tonic for their touchy feelings. Team sports are always nice, since they offer a sense of community; water polo should be elemental to aquatic Crabs. What are their team colors? The Moon is silver and white. Since Cancerians have a tendency to be lazy, however, they may need someone to push them out the door. When it comes to the game of love, eager Crabs are devoted, romantic and able to get things going on their own. Crabs are wise to listen to their gut, since this Sign rules the stomach.

The great strength of the Cancer-born is the tenacity with which they protect their loved ones. These folks don't ask for much, either: a comfortable home and sense of peace about sums it up. It's that nurturing instinct which makes Cancerians a pleasure to be with.
Well. That was funny.
1-I don't have a good memory.
2- I'm not from Japan. (i'm patriotic to them?)
3- strong willed? XD
Well, you read. Wohoo for emotional manipulation <3

Friday, February 23

- Nineteenth Blood Butterfly -

Friends are really odd things. I don't know how to explain. But I'm really tired of this roller coaster emotional ride. I mean, wow its fun and stuff. But enough, really. Is enough.

Perhaps I'm just plain selfish- or downright self-centered. I cannot be left alone. But I'm not lonely. Theres always so many people around me.

But really- I'm sick of it.

Two-faced, dishonest, untrusty, and really really not worth it. They are predictable. That's how narrow a mind can be. Because everything comes from a core. Its to simple. Its too predictable. Its just. JUST. ARGH.

I can't put it into words- maybe a drawing later. But its hard for me.


I'm not lonely.
I'm not depressed.
I'm not crying.

Wednesday, February 14

- Eighteenth Blood Butterfly -

Yosh, minna-san~ Happy V-day to those who are reading my blog for this, today's posty~ There's a gifty to you:




-Chiddy <3

Sunday, February 11

- Seventeenth Blood Butterfly -

Yosh, minna-sama~! Well, there goes another weekend, then. My mom just came in and bitched about me being on the internet, and thats like.. damn annoying. *shrugs*

I had a fairly good day today... weekend. Lets see what I did..

[1]
I added a few more numbers into my Anime Watched List:

52. Red Garden
53. Air Summer Special (*)
54. Amaenaideyo!! Katsu!! (Ecchi/Harem)
55. Digimon Savers.
56. Soul Link
57. Futakoi Alternate (Ecchi)(*)



[2]
I got to RP incest with my online brother~ Ahaha. <3 (Btw, I developed a dylxsic problem of the words insects and incests.)

[3]
Oh. I studied. Ooh, yes, I did. Ahuh, I did, i stressed the fuck out of myself, and constantly sleeping late just to fulfill the 'What I Want to Do' List after finishing the 'oh,fuck,study' list. You know, crap like that. I mean like shit, everyone's happy that I'm a good girl. So. Just act "AWWW" They can go die.

[4]
"Sometimes I’m afraid to look at myself.

I’m afraid of what I’d see.

Afraid to know what I am.

Reluctant to know what I have brought upon others.

The sufferings, pain, bitterness, hate, blood and tears.

Why me? What have I done to deserve such a life?

I wish someone would take away my misery.

I wish someone could wash away my dirt, scrub away my stains.

But I know this will never be, so why hope?

After all why would anyone help…

..The cursed."

Sounds appealing?
No, -I'M- not being emo, jerk. This is from a story my friend began to write. Tho she just began, i can tell you to expect an adventure-filled story. =3
->http://demented-hatter.livejournal.com/

That's basically what I can remember, since I can't remember much. And I'M TIRED. RAWR

-[ Would you like to die, just this once? ]-

Saturday, February 3

- Sixteenth Blood Butterfly -

わたしわ血ちょ著です。



Ah. PVC is finally over and we've got into Singapore's book of Records. PVC = project Vibrant colours. Hopefully it'll be the biggest pen collgue in the world too.



Anyways. Today, I went shopping for my Chinese New Year clothes. And guess what I got?




Yeah. G-LOL chinese new year clothes. ^_^ It IS red with no black as mom requested, yo.
And to be narcisstic, here's more pictures!














Except for the first picture, the rest were taken today. ^_^. And taking AJ-chan for taking some of them too! <3 <3.

Friday, February 2

- Fifteenth Blood Butterfly -

Whoa shit, why did I ranted on the 12th of January for?
I was just reading the post I SHOULD HAVE PLACED UP HERE A FEW WEEKS AGO, and I'ms till wondering what the hell happened to make me feel like that again.

But its all over now, so anyways.

I had a pretty good stressful-to-the-core days and I fell ill on Wednesday due.. to overworking of my body? I don't know, can you call it that?I mean now, I'm all tired and shit, but look. I've got 18/20 for my cumulative frequency test and 15.5/25 for my Bio topical test. And THAT'S quite new, you know. I mean, I PASSED my subjects.

But my wings are so worn out that its colours are soon fading.

BUT ANYWAYS there seems to be a new event and experience that is brewing within me. I know it, i just can FEEEL it bubble. Bubble with excitement. However, I'll just see how cold can the butterflies be still. Because the butterflies I know tend not to change.

- Fourteenth Blood Butterfly -

Tuesday, January 16, 2007.

-Cautious, Rant -

Sometimes I wonder if its just me or is it everything around me as well.There are times where the butterflies that surrounds me are filled with excitement, and everything that is positively ...positive.Yet there are times where the butterflies are so cold, and they seem to leave me alone.Maybe its really just me.
Perhaps one day, I'll return into my shell. And I'll forcefully cut off my own wings. Maybe one day, I'll make a mask. Yes, a thick metal mask, and I'll wear it as a shelter. A protection over my face. I'll chain myself to the ground, a isolated place. I'll cover my ears, I'll close my eyes, and cut off my tongue. Then, I'll scream. Maybe that one day, will come. And I will be relieve of everything that I hate, that I avoid and that which hates me. Maybe, just maybe.
People see me as a social butterfly- i mean, if you knew me, sure you do, and that daily mood swings and unable to comphrehend this every seeking attention brat.
I hate myself for that.
If my academics were as great as my attidute, maybe I'll still like me. But its not. Its the WORST. I'm lazy and.. and.. crap.. and argh. I'm insane. In a bad way now. I mean, I look at the people around me. THere's Vi-chan. She's quiet, mysterious, calm and collected. And she gets GOOD grades for her science. And what she wants others to see her, is under HER control. And there's the other 'crazy' -in a good way, lot. *Proper word is enthusiastic*. I mean, sure, they have their bad points. But, look at them. THey are getting GOOD grades. And there's 4.3's2007Chairperson-person. I mean, she can be annoying, yet funny, and cool, and quite a rubis cube sometimes, but SHE gets really good grades. And hell, thats only in my class. I DON'T want to get to the others.
I mean, honeslty, shit. I study, and I get the fucking same grades. Its that type of unexplainable fustrations. Theres no one HINT in me of being perfect. Or do i feel myself having accomplished SOMETHING.
Please, if you want to stop here, then stop. So I can spill things out that I haven't the long times since I last posted. (Internet curfew).
I THANK MY MOM FOR TAKING THE INTERNET AWAY, ACTUALLY.If I were to have return to my two-world state I'm always in, i swear to the Lady of the Silver Moon that I WILL NOT be able to cope with my own emotions. I'm all confused and shit now if I should or should not hide myself, and that's in real life. I have this ... problem. I want to hide myself, but I'm afraid of being alone thing. I'm so scared of things leaving me that I wish not to get attached to them. But I don't know if its the same for everything. Attachment can lead to addiction to me. Eg. My chatting habits = addiction. And I don't even feel that same feelings i used to when everything was once united.
ARGGH. I DON'T KNOW. Perhaps everything is really breaking down bit by bit, like a wool-made sweater's string was being pulled and the sweater is going lesser and lesser and leaving someone cold and stuff.
I know I'm not living for myself. Then again, 'myself' isn't really here before. I'm just a mixture of everyone that I look up to, making me someone who is not me.
Smiling to me is a piece of joy.Not smiling to me can be a grave sin.
Laughing gives me the courage to live on.Frowning gives me the wish to die.
Showing happiness will not affect the others.Showing my inner happiness is a crime.
Wanting to fly is a dream.Not flying keeps me safe.
Walking into dangers brings me excitement.Keeping myself safe gives me my sanity.
Speaking my thoughts will let me be knownbut will also break my barriers and shell.I don't want that.
Now.
What's the meaning of able to trust someone, when I can't even physcially trust people?