- Nineth Blood Butterfly -

On the 8th of December 2006, from 1/2 pm all the way to 6 pm, I had a cosplay rehearsal with my RO EOY team 2006.

Well. It was kinda that time I was out.

I remember telling everyone: Cosplay meeting is at 1 to 6. There were .. 6 of us. Me (Swordsman), Acolyte, Sohee, Monk, High Priestess and High Wizard.

Monk went there at 12 noon due to my sudden massive text messages to everyone at 11 saying "Remember, cosplay meeting in 2 hours time.". High Wizard and Sohee kinda got there on time. On the train there, I got a message from my High Priestess and acolyte that they'll both be late. Then again, so was I. I reached about... 1:30+? Or earlier. Anyways.

So we went to find food. I eat before I came out. Acolyte, who was with her sister, had lunch too. And so did our High Priestess. (well, well. See why we are late.) So we went to takashimaya to get food. Our walk. Was made out of laughter and stares. And during that lunch break we had, we had drink too (well DUH). And my sprite turned into blue potion. And there was white potion and stuff. We called town prontera, too. Oi. I'm an RO geek and I'm proud of it. Except, I care more about the beauty half of RO.
While in Taka, we bought some stuff. Well. High Wizzie bought her magick gem, head for her staff. And Aco bought.. Christmas Present for her daddy. And after that, we went back to Orchard MRT station. There, we hid behind the lift, and did some pratice.

"OH LOOK. AN INTRESTING CAVE. LETS GO EXPLORE IT!"
"But its dangerous."
"Oh. Who cares?"

Yeah. So pratice went on and on, then we rested. ran around that space. Aco went home. High Priestess went home, so the rest of us went to Gonyun. Aka. Chinatown. HighWiz went to get material, the others had coconut and sausague. And I was all. ":)" but was "x__x" and then we all turned "X___x;;;" so we all went home.

Assassin came over after that. Told her what happened then we did her weapon. Or template, anyways. Turned out good.

Can't wait for 16th December 2006.
Singaporeans, End of the Year 2006 Cosplay Convention is at Singapore EXPO. So BE there.

- Eighth Blood Butterfly -

Uhm, yay, I'm back from China and i missed heckalots of things in Singapore. First there's Manga class (i think its going to be due soon..) then there's the Infocomm Anniversary thing I completely missed. But hey. I had a FUN time in China. Now, hear my story.

Monday, we went to Haikou.
Tuesday, we went to Hainan Island and went to visit my damnit assh- sorry. I meant my DEAREST cousins who shun my mother's family when they were younger because they were poor. AND WHY WERE THEY POOR? Because my DEAR uncle and aunts and fr- no no, pain in the a- better not..NICE cousins decided to STEAL ALL THE CASH from my GREATGRANDDAD'S successful buisness and run away. So anyways, they were NICE to us, LITERALLY BOWING at our feet at the sight of CASH. So we went to pray to my belated greatgranddad, give prayers and stuff, and apparently, the feng shui there was the WORST and someone planted a tree at a particular spot to SPITE my granddad. How great can they get? And we bought sweets and candies for them too. Digusting village. All they do is gamble and pray money falls from skies.
Wednesday, we went to sanya. went to visit this HUGE goddess of mercy with three heads.
Thursday, we went to some beach place and see some rocks you can catch at telok kuraoi. Or where ever my stepdad says. Then we went to some mountain with some history of this man who hunts this deer and this deer ran and ran until that mountain and when that hunter was about to shoot it, that deer turned around and turned into some beautiful woman and they married and stuff. So, there is one tree there, that you can find anywhere, is called the "Tree of Friendship". And theres this rock, with this HUGE chinese word- the tradition word "Ai(love)", and its called the Rock of Love. I was totaly.. "..." at that point of time.
So those four days. Fabulous, sat in the car most of the time, ate something bad.
Fell ill.
Migraine.
Fantastic.

Friday, i STILL COULD GO TO HONG KONG DISNEYLAND. Wohoo. Exciting. I nearly FAINTED halfway, bloody exciting. But I did take a picture with that Mulan dragon, Wushu. Or something. Mushu. Roshu..Lulashu. SOMETHING.

Wait.. today is Sunday I came home YESTERDAY morn- well whatever.
There was this last day I had to sleep in the hotel because Shenzhen outside was having a shivering degrees of 13 degrees celcius. But, hey, I was shivering under 5 thick layers for no reason. o_o Even on the flight home to singapore. My body was warm. But my hands were cold. Fever, flu, cold, vomit, migraine. Reminds me of that time I went to Malaysia. Same thing happened. Except that when I left, the waterfall collap- okay. Nevermind.

..Shit, this is my most disorganized post.

- Seventh Blood Butterfly -

The skies are so pretty this evening. I want to be together with them.

I'm off to China at 4 am (GMT +8). And its 7 PM at the moment. Just a little while until I actually goes poof. Well, to somewhere else. I'll be close to the skies for 5 hours, while heading off to China. I might actually get to catch the sunrise if I don't rest.

I'll be waiting for that day.

OH! And at my Grandmama's funeral, I forgot to mention what I thought about when I was there. Mommy reminded me so many times about her thoughts. I thought I'd share mine here, since mommy will think I'm silly sharing it with her, since I'm so young.

I want to die in a place of white, I want to look like a doll when I'm dead. Clad me in my favourite Gothic Lolita style, then gather my drawings, my favourite my clothes, and burn it together with me. I want to be cremated. Give me white carnations, just make things really pretty. I don't mind if you don't burn enough golden/silver papers, just burn the white long ones, like I will do for mommy. When you get my ashes, sprinkle it into the sea, into the skies. I want to fly. I want to travel reallly really far, so I can see places I've never seen. Like what I'll do for mommy. I don't want anyone to see me dying- I don't want anyone to cry at my funeral. I want to see a celebration? Oh, and remember to raise my soul before I burn inside the incinerator. I hate heat alot.

I actually don't know how I want my funeral to be.

Well ANYWAYS. LAVANTE DOMINVM IS UP ^__^; RPer's, writers, GO JOIN. http://lavante.phpbb3.net. I'm just inviting one and all~! Its kinda new. So bear with me, okay?

Oh, and just now, I was taking pictures of myself with my webcamera =3 Here~!



Haha. <3
Well. I don't know what to write/rant/complain about for now.
Or I can't seem to fit it in nicely.
"I went for tution today, and cried before because I didn't want to go."

Anyways. Kay. Time to go~
Ja-ne, Minna-san.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Sixth Blood Butterfly -

Funeral's finally over. Time for some z's.

Today, I went to collect my Grandmama's ashes. And her bones have 'flowers', stating that she have done good deeds in her life.
Anyways, no more about funeral stuff.
I AM SO TIRED. SO SO TIRED. Keeping me in place would just drift me off into wonderland again. But meh, that isn't the problem to me.

Okay, I just made a new forum, after leaving Red Rose Vertigo made by my best fwen, Tsuki-chan. And it's more or less still undone. I'm still wondering how everything should be going about, and theres no doubt that I'd most probably only be Rping in the more important events. For my new forum, I plan to get people from Gaia and IRC to come into the forum to Roleplay. And the previous forums as well.

And lately, I feel damnit depressed that there are some moments, I just feel like breaking dowm, or tearing things aparts. The boundless energy in me just screams for release. Well. I don't know. Just want to sleep. Goodnight.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Fifth Blood Butterfly -

So the important day of the funeral arrived...

FINALLY. FINALLY. I am SO tired. SOOO tired. But tomorrow I have to go there eariler again.. MUCH eariler.

Okay, so you know my grandma went bye bye now. Never see her again, never say hello again, thats sayonara. I feel kinda guilty, really. And I'm like all.. "WTF ARE YOU DOING" to myself at the moment. My mom reminded me. In June, 2006. This year, I apparently had a nightmare about my grandma. (Apparently, since I forgot. I forgot my own name once. So anyways.) After that dream. I fell really badly ill. That became a prediction, mommy said: ", you better go visit your grandmother, she's really, very ill." and a few days before my grandma died, daddy told me to go visit her. Mommy told -ME- to go visit her. And what did I do?

Completely nothing.

WHAT KIND OF A GRANDDAUGHTER AM I?! Un..worthy, un..un.. fi..lial? I don't know. I seriously feel like blaming myself till I die or.. or something. Everyone KNOWS she doted on me SO much. And I'M the -ONLY- person who didn't EVEN VISIT HER. A born Sinner.

I don't know really. I really really just don't want to think. I have too much fears. Way too much fear. And it stops me from getting anything and everything done. Fear of having something at the edge of life going right before my eyes. I'm not 'kiasu' (scared to lose) I'm .. I'm.. Scared to loose. Be it a memory, or a person, a relation. Even if I'm not close. I cannot bear for the others to say seriously that I'm no one.

So me? A social butterfly? YOU WISH!

Such a disgusting inner heart should not be told.

SO WELL. ANYWAYS.

Today, I watched the rituals and took part in it with the rest of my cousins and mostly did the praying, and the joss sticks stuff, bowing and crap. But the guy DOING the ritual was AWESOME. Especially the part where he had some liquid in his mouth, and then he had to jump over his fire. So what he did was he spit the liquid out at the fire and jump over it at the same time.OMG, THE FIRE WAS IN A JOLLY COLOUR. It was like a small explosive flame thing, and it turned the ceiling black... well. Just slightly!

Oh, and for the whole day, I've been hanging out with my cousins and stuff. Me, being a manga artist, had been nicely requested to teach them to draw. Well, actually one came up to ask me. I didn't mind until i had all my younger cousins surrounding me, asking me. "Jie jie can you teach me how to drawww?!". One of my cousins saw my signature on my drawing and even began to call me Chidea! XD!!

I was suppose to stay over at my cousins' house today, but I'm.. kinda afraid and I really don't want to. I don't want to burdern my relative. (But, me can even burdern thy own's mother. See.disgusting face)

Because of those crap up there. I haven't been on recently. And not to mention Red Rose, the last I heard, was dying- or DEAD. Ah well. People succeed, people fail. No choice, eh?

Gotta stay happy a little while longer.

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Fourth Blood Butterfly -

CAUTION: EMO.

If you're thinking "So. What is dear little twisted child doing?"

I can generally tell you, I'm stressed from top to toe.Its not only because I was awaken by the news of my grandmother died suddenly, or anything, its because my mom just don't want me on the com, and I have to take out various activities, thus stressing me out. And inorder not to worry anyone, or attempt to. What do i do? Smile. And pretend everything is okay.

But I can also honestly say. 'My grandmother died' is just a blood fucking excuse for me to say 'I want to be free, i want to slack, idle, just leave me alone.' I am so tired, mentally exhaused and everytime i want to scream and yell, and throw a temper. But obviously, i'll get scolding for even THINKING about it. I'm so tired. I'm so so tired I just want to cover my ears, kick out all the sounds and hug myself so i won't feel alone.

And secondly, my big screw up.Infocomm Annerversairy next week.China trip next week.Clash?Fuck yes.

I can't cancel that, i can't not go for this. Everything is ruined. My painting for my manga on canvas sucks, I'm so bloody sleepy, i can't spend time with my friends, on my cosplay armor, I've got PVC meeting undone, I haven't done this, I haven't done that, NOT A SINGLE FUCKING SOUL IS GOING TO HELP ME. I CAN'T FIND ANY PROPER HELP, FUCK. I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE TRUST I NEED. While every thing here before me is ruined, I just want to think of things which keeps me happy.

I don't know, my mom is stressed too.So I have to be burderned by HER stress as well.

So, suffering?Nah.

I'm just perfectly happy. ^_^

.: Pitiful Shadows cloaked in darkness, Thy actions cause men pain and suffering. Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins. How would you like to see what death is like? :.

- Random Screams -

"Go to Hell"
"Rot and die"
I'll say something that isn't mine
I'll touch the wings of a blood butterfly
I'll sing the prayers of angels' cries.
I'll raise the Hell hounds of Hell's unholy depth
I'll make sure you were dead.
I'll make you wish you were never born,
I'll taint your blood with lusting woes.
Shimmer the glory of Hell unfavourable Doors.

Sorry. Got pissed. If December I'm missing. Its my mom's fault.